How to record your parents' life story (without it feeling weird)

That's the thing nobody tells you: the way in is almost never through the front door.

Start with one room

Not "your childhood." Not "the war years." One room. The kitchen. The garage. The walk to school if it was the same walk every day for six years.

Small physical spaces unlock everything else. Once your mother starts describing the wallpaper in the hallway, she will tell you, without being asked, who hung it, who hated it, who ripped a piece off during the argument in 1974. You'll get more story from "describe the kitchen table" than from two hours of "tell me about your life."

Record audio, not video

Video makes people perform. Audio feels like talking. Use your phone. Put it on the table between you, face down, voice memo app open. Do not prop up a camera. Do not mention the word "interview."

If you're worried the audio won't be good enough, stop worrying. Your phone is better at recording voices than the equipment BBC reporters used thirty years ago. And a slightly fuzzy recording of your father telling a true story is worth more than any crisp video of him saying what he thinks you want to hear.

Ask follow-up questions, not new questions

The mistake everyone makes is moving too fast. Your dad finishes a sentence. You ask the next question. He gives a short answer. You panic and ask another.

Don't.

When he stops talking, count to three. Then ask: - "What did that smell like?" - "Who else was there?" - "What was she wearing?" - "What did your mother say when she found out?"

These are the questions that turn a one-line memory into a scene. If you do nothing else, do this: slow down and ask about the details inside the details.

Forty-five minutes, then stop

A good session is forty-five minutes. After that, everyone starts summarising. You stop listening for the small stuff. They stop remembering it.

Tell them you're coming back next week. The fact that there's a next session takes the pressure off. Nobody has to "get everything" into one afternoon. You're not deathbed recording. You're just talking.

If you freeze when the recorder's on

That's why we built Echobound. Our interview guides do the question-asking — the right small questions, the follow-ups, the knowing when to stop. They work with your parent one-on-one, in their own kitchen, at their own pace. You can be there or not. At the end, there's a printed book on the shelf.

If you want to do it yourself, start this weekend. If you'd like us to do it with you, try a sample chapter.

— Anna Founder, Echobound